Must be the hardest stage of life,,
When at around 25 we may be proud that we are sailing well on our own, both professionally and personally. But wait the people in our surroundings wont allow us to decide upon what we want and settle upon what we have. Though the action is all ours we are ultimately tamed by the contagious desires fed by the flaunting acquaintances. Most of us just take the unconditional chances not knowing that we are capable of taking ‘the road not taken’. Lucky are those who constantly get the right advice at the right time and took the right action at all stages of life.
First hardest thing is about deciding upon the job we hold. Its all that decides the way of living; Where to live, when to live and how to live. The world is getting very competitive everyday and the fear that the struggle for the existence is getting tougher makes the urge to constantly learn new things. And with the pace of this urge we should be constantly trying to get a better job than the current job, else we are lost to fragility. The first hope for a healthy situation here in a job is getting the satisfaction of accomplishment or some recognition for the work. Second is the harmony with the peers in earning some reputation and fame. The key factors for the success here are self-discovery, affirmation and acceptance.
Second hardest thing is deciding about the friends, family, relationships and the time spent with them. We will have to decide carefully whom to stay with, whom to hangout with, whom to go close with and also importantly whom to ignore. Keep an eye on who’s giving pace for our values and get closer with them. Recognize who really cares and start socializing at the premium with those who are just curious. Make parents, siblings and family still prouder and happier. The healthy situation here is earning lots of friends, close circles and spending more times with them to get a feel that we are not isolated, limited and extinct.
I have just now grown to a stage where I could define all the above and I wish that the success factors on entering into those healthy situations should be spontaneous.
I thought moving to Chennai will provide me a comfortable work atmosphere. I got into a project that has made me very irregular. My casualties continued from college life. Procrastination has again been the hindrance. Initially I was not mindful of my role, which greatly slowed me in learning the work flow. Eventually my tasks turned a heck. My project manager is a genuine kind of and he learnt my ways and never uttered a word about my performance. But only until we were into the scorching phases of the project, he then induced me to put some extra effort and get going better. The learning process in work life has been too slow but has made a great transition. Just then a small realization arouse ‘when reputation is lost everything is lost’ and that brought the fear. A small sacrifice in time and a lot of self learning experience and efforts and then came the transition phase that has unconditionally tamed me. Also there’s been lots of changes in personal behavior, character and ways of life in this transition. I believe this has ‘literally’ started bringing in me the real maturity, adulthood has just now begun.
Today when am spending times, I have got a very big doubt “Am I really destined for what I am now ?”
I have always been optimistic finding no real difference between these 2 paradigms :
Blame yourself for what you are and praise yourself for what you are not.
Praise yourself for what you are and blame yourself for what you are not.
Initially I believed its all spontaneous and everything happens according to destiny. I have been into a very clueless life, every part driven by unconditional chances and coincidences. No goal, no determination and no special efforts. But I had been placed to travel through a comfortable path by destiny. So how am I destined for this ? Now I believe that the good deeds and the prayers my parents have showered on my cause have surely helped.
My parents have greatly inspired me with onething ‘Compromises’ and yes ‘Might’ is right. I could see that what they had seeded in the all these years by sacrificing most of their happiness for our wellness is now sprouting out. Making a lot of compromises, in a belief that there are good times ahead and sure they are going to workout someday. Patience should be the best virtue I have got. I have learnt to wait and wait and regret less for all those lost chances and in the meanwhile I was trapped into the good chances.
Now there has to be another virtue to make possible outcomes of those chances – ‘Adaptation’. In a way to prove myself that “I am what I am”, I was ignorant that I actually have failed to adapt to people and situations. Neverthelesss I would have had lots of merry making moments in the time I had spent with the atmosphere I have lived so far. Maturity is all about learning these things on own. But am really immature in this and have been seeking someone to teach all this – ‘Friends’. This is the best help friends can do. You could possibly accept all awkward situations when your surrounding is full of friends and that fear and shyness is gone.
Uder the oblivion I yearn to spend lot of times with my ‘Friends’. And spending the professional life without atleast a few of them has even got worser. Reverting back I should definitely call my college days ‘Heaven’ !! Now when someone asks, “Howz life ?” , “Ya, easy going” whispering “all the above conditions apply” !!
Some memorable events I could recollect
- Year I Dumped as 5th in 4 accommodated room, with B.E students.
- Water Scarcity, had to wake before sunrise if I had to go to class after taking a bath.
- Hardly ate twice a day, mostly missed breakfasts.
- Mess food was hard to digest.
- Later shifted to 50 accommodated dormitory room(Highways extension block) with my classmates.
- Since we were allotted rooms with our classmates(Jayasenthil, Murali, Swaminathan, Vasanth, Rajesh, Arul Viknesh, Anand Vikram, Murali, Dhiliphan, Thiru kumaran,Saravana) itself all these years, have been spending most times only with them and all get-goings only with them.
- Had long night chats, spoke about everything in world we knew and most of the times about girls in our class.
- We were all in the stage to share and learn our used-tos.
- Rarely went out for shopping or some rambling.
- First time rambled out with friends.
- Found craziness in my mobile and text messages.
- Had no interest in club activities, NCC, NSS.
- Sat in browsing center, reading and copying blogs till late nights.
- Weekends always passed with long sleeps.
- We enjoyed playing cricket in grounds and near our hostel.
- Watched IPL matches, shouting and supporting for CSK.
- Few of my friends are in love, they are always in phone conversation.
- First glimpse of the cultural extravaganzas – Agni, Kalakrithi, Techofes, Hostelday and Kurukshetra.
- We won first prize for maintaining our room clean during hostel day.
- Ragged by seniors during our department symposium.
- Year II We were accomodated 2 per room with my classmates(4th block). But 3 of us stayed in my room.
- My room is always awkwardly untidy, I never bothered.
- Used to wake up at 8.10, present in class at 8.30. Continued missing breakfasts.
- Got used to mess food, felt ‘not bad’
- Few pets came pestering around us always. I love cats and dogs.
- We had elongated chats, now funnily interpreted and mocked the staffs.
- Often hanged out.
- Went to Beasant nagar beach late night and were caught in rain.
- Went to Mahabalipuram.
- Watched few night shows.
- Downloaded lots of movies in browsing center.
- Started interacting well with seniors and first thing would be about staff, then girls.
- Enjoyed culturals with seniors in a gang.
- Started celebrating birthdays with bumps and cakes – 1st to go Jayasenthil’s on 9/7/2009.
- I bought a cycle.
- We played few tournament cricket matches intensively.
- One of my roommate (Arul Viknesh) left hostel and college. We missed him a lot.
- Slept on the corridors on the rooftop to chillout during hot days.
- Year III The same accomodation, 2 per room with my classmates(5th block). But later I was staying alone because my other room mate rarely stayed there.
- 2 others also left hostel, turned dayscholars(Anand & Vikram).
- I bought a laptop. Now Laptop is all my world. No more browsing centers only WiFi. I hardly slept 5 hours during night. Sometimes I did cut the first hours of class.
- We watched lots of movies. Its the best time pass you could have in a hostel.
- Often hanged out at kotturpuram for snacks. Weekends dinners at hostels when the mess menu is a real yuck.
- Late night shows, frequently visited and the near one was Ganapathiram theatre, Adyar.
- My sister got a job in Chennai. Had times spending weekends with her.
- Watched cricket matches. Celebrated India winning WCC, CSK winning IPL.
- Powercuts during assessments turned out to be chatter times
- Year IV Once again 4th block, but the room away from other classmates.
- I lost my cycle at the beginning of project sem. I parked in the college main entrance gate and some one stole it. 2 months later bought another cycle.
- Proj sem was utterly bored. Seemed to have more vetti times.
- We played games on LAN.
- Designed website for one of the Department Symposiums.
- Year V Again 4th block, but this room annoyed-leaks on a rainy day.
- Designed website for our department run society for students-Math Computing Society.
- Everyone busy with placement preparations. luckily I got placed.
- My friend(Ramson) is at Chennai during my proj sem; rambled all weekends with him-malls, cinemas, shopping, beaches..
- Project sem got busy with office.
- Playing cards is our new time pass.
Few things that made me feel
- Often fell into mocks and teases, most of which turned to be disgraceful, than funny.
- When someone forcibly interfered something I had personal.
- I was never comfortable with some used-tos and hence couldn’t find a sole companionship.
- With some I couldn’t change this attitude “Don’t ask me anything, I too won’t ask”.
Few things that made me feel great
- Dressing sense greatly improved.
- Learnt why to go for the best.
- Learnt when to be punctual.
- Learnt how to be economical.
- Learnt why I shouldn’t lie again.
- Learnt why there should be lots of friends.
Me joining in Anna University, happened suddenly and unexpectedly; I have always considered it lucky. Its surely hard to leave such a leisurely spent hostel life, I will miss it badly.
# Incident 1
It was during my Engineering admission counselling – the first time am visiting Chennai(also the first time to a Metropolitan city). I had my counselling during morning, the first batch at 7.30 am at Anna University.I was returning back to my relative’s place after the counselling with my father. It was 23M that we boarded. We had free seats apart so my father had to sit in front and I sat in a seat at back. When the bus reached T.Nagar, many got down and the seats got free. People were rushing to get in. A guy from the other side of the bus saw the free seat in front of me and asked me to reserve the seat for him. And before I could think of it the people who rushed in sat there. The man came up to me with rage and abused with words badly. He was shouting very loudly that everyone were looking at us. I was much embarrassed and was crying at inner heart. He moved from my seat a little later and was void of his murmurings, else I would have apparently burst into tears. I wished my father was near with me at that time.
# Incident 2
A day in January 2nd week, during amenities purchase at T.Nagar with one of my friends. We entered the usual place “Saravana stores”. We had heard our Chennai friends speaking about looting stuffs from these big stores.So my friend also wanted to try looting something. He pestered me that each one shall loot something and he gave me a facial to hide with me. We glimpsed around and made sure that we were not under the view of the surveillance cameras, then hid those products in our pockets. We had the remaining products billed. When we are about to leave the entrance of the section one of the employees stopped and said that he wanted to check us. He took both of us inside, checked and found the two products not in the bill. He made us confess and asked us to pay 500Rs fine for each and threatened that else he will inform to the administration and they will take us to police. We were pleading that we won’t repeat and we don’t have that much to pay as fine. He was very adamant and finally made us to clear our purses. He was asking what made us to steal and we were staring at each other not knowing what to say. Then another employee interfered and hinted we might have taken some bet from our friends or seniors. We had to just nod our heads to escape from that place !!
# Incident 3
A month after my first semester in college started, I had to buy books for my subjects. Some friends and relatives suggested to get books from moore market, where I can get old books and also new books pretty cheaper. I too had those “Enthusiasm disorder” as a fresh student to college and I wanted to get all the books ready far before my internal exams. My other friends of class either had those books borrowed from seniors or didn’t want to get books then, so there was no one accompanying me. So I went to moore market alone, strolled every stall and got the prices of the books. Finally entered a stall which seemed to sell at the cheapest. Took all the 6 books wanted and asked for the price. The shopkeeper asked me to pay 900 and saying that he has given a discount of 20Rs for each book. I was happy that I saved some few bucks. Heartily paid the amount and returned to hostel. Later only I came to know that moore market is a place where I could bargain as much as I wanted. When my seniors came to know that I didn’t bargain anything and I got a mere discount, they made a severe mock at me.
# Incident 4
This happened during the first year. We were leaving to our hometown for some festival holidays. Me and one of my class friend had to go to egmore to board our trains. At that time I was not familiar with the places and routes in chennai. We came to Guindy station where both of us had some confusion as to which train we had to board. But he seemed a little bit familiar and said we had to take the train going in this direction, pointing in the right direction. I made some stupid guesses with the directions and said the right direction was the other one and he was wrong. Both were firm in our guesses. By that time the next train towards Tambaram had already come and was waiting in the platform. I persuaded him to take that train to reach Egmore and we got in. I didn’t know the next station too. So even after the train crossed St.Thomas Mount I thought we were on the right direction. Only when the next station(Airport) came I was shocked that we took the wrong train. I had my train from Egmore at 8 and he had to board from central around 8.30 and we were running out of time. Both of us knew we aren’t going to get our trains. We got down at the next station and rushed into the next train going in the opposite direction. As thought we couldn’t reach on time and missed our trains. We then went home by bus. Till now I remember this one as the most stupidest thing I have ever done in Chennai.
# Incident 5
I did my internship in an office near Chinnamalai(Checkers hotel). I used to go and return by cycle to that place. One day when I was returning back after office this thing happened. I just would put up ear phones and hear songs when I would return everyday. I was hearing songs that day too. The always rushy road was very free that day, but I didn’t mind that. I was casually riding my cycle. Since I had my ear phone plugged in I didn’t notice any sound from outside. They had cleared the road because some V.I.P was passing by and they had put up police patrols at intermittent points all the way. Suddenly someone bet hardly with a stick on my back( thank god I had my bag), I jerked and stopped to see who it was. It was one of the police, she was a lady. She shouted at me to get down from my cycle and go by walk. She had been already shouting and had ran to me since I didn’t notice her. I casually got down and started pulling my cycle. Then again she ran to me and gave a bang on my cycle. She was on rage and scolded me badly saying can’t you see that road being cleared for VIP’s, are you mad, should I bully you and drag to earth, this, that etc. I saw that I was the only one on the road for metres and people at the distance could see her arguing with me. A higher official saw me from distance blocking the road and he shouted from there with rage. I got a little bit feared and I apologised to her and moved to the pavement.
- Going to school by rickshaw.
- Running race in the sandy ground.
- Lunch in the underground.
- Lunch hour gang fights.
- Paper, pad cricket games.
- Pen games.
- Race for copying the contents from board.
- Circus, movies, excursions(trichy, kanyakumari) Fun fair and Annual day.
- Walking to previous stop to catch school bus.
- First row in class and during prayers.
- “I shall not be…”, “We shall over come…”, “Hey Parameshwar…” prayers.
- High throw with cashew nut.
- Getting ready fast during swimming period.
- Rushing to ground during games hour.
- Frightful computer labs.
- ‘Ok’ counts.
- Playful yoga and karate classes.
- Freaks about tazos, tattoos, stamp collections.
- Class cuts during preparations for science exhibition.
- Parade and sports day rehersals in hot sun.
- ‘House spirit’ in sports events.
- Searching for 18+ content in library books.
- Friday’s casual dress.
- Virtual classes, personality development classes, foreigner’s visiting classes.
- Milos, Noodles, Mobile library, circus.
- Prefects swearing in ceremony, teacher’s day, thiruvalluvar day, art-craft competition.
- Science Exhibition, Sports day, Annual day.
- Waking up late in morning.
- Running to bus stop to catch school bus.
- Last seat chatters in bus.
- Waiting for substitute games hour.
- Joint classes during language hours.
- Taking radio to school and listening to cricket scores.
- Frightful chemistry and physics labs.
- Rushing for lunch(esp for NV).
- Night studies.
- Snacks given during night studies(especially mini idlis, bread bajjis) Mosquito, Coils plays.
- Orkut freaks.
Farewell day, scrap books. ‘Ammonia’, ‘Maaikyan’, ‘Madappayan’, ‘Portuguesa karaya’….
Today will be the last class we will be attending in this 5yr of college life. There surely isn’t an yearning in me for losing classes from now because I got very lazy and disinterested in those “literally speakings” after I failed for a mere adaptation.
This is how the 5 year academics went
Year 1 – I somehow have got in. I have the pride that I am in Anna Univ. I am punctual and attend all the classes. I am good at programs. I hate maths. I hate books and studying. I can’t learn the 12th subjects again. Arrears…
Year 2 – I have to clear the arrears I got. I will cut classes if its boring. I am awake till 3 am for no reasons. I started bunking the first hours. Internals went down, performance still degraded. Studied even the well versed subjects with disinterest.Arrears again…
Year 3 – Could identify how partial staffs are. Now I have a laptop and I can watch films, browse everyday. I am afraid and I can’t present well before my class. Now I am a cat on the wall, struggled for mere pass marks. Even then I am assault. Whether its an internals or the main sem I can attend it just by preparing for 1 or 2 hours. I am not worried about the grades. Arrears retained…
Year 4 – I am with a project that I am familiar with. I could learn more when I did it myself. I got a new interest in ‘web design’. I knew my level and how I performed as intern. I can’t take up the simple tactics and the wicked tricks to fluorish. Somehow I have cleared my arrears…
Year 5 – I am worried about grades affecting placements. This time its surely luck when I ain’t fully prepared for a recruitment and I am into a job. The ultimatum of college life achieved, next what… ‘Don’t be reluctant and get into trouble. Be watchful and get away silently’…
Everyday here throttled between “lost chances” and “last chances” right from beginning. Apart from academics opportunities and chances were more ‘I could have lofted a six, swam a freestyle, twisted a dance, addressed a gathering, wrote in french, went an outing, attended a symposium’ etc, etc… There only is regrets for all those missed…